Monthly Archives: April 2008

Sunday Afternoon Link Dump

I began the afternoon looking hoping to post some articles on Francisco Liriano and the general science of pitching mechanics. The consensus? Fucking everyone has something different to say; there doesn’t seem to be any complete agreement on the best method to repeatedly throw baseballs and avoid injuries.

That being said, here are some things I came across today. I should note that the first article doesn’t have anything to do with pitching mechanics, it’s a HBT study on the effectiveness of fastballs looking at various speeds and locations. Good folks, those Hardball Timesers are.

How fast should a fastball be?

This is an older post, from just after Liriano went down in ’06. Apparently some thought his mechanics were all right…

This one is from after his first start this year. He also seems to prefer Liriano’s prior mechanics.

One more, which piggy-backs the prior article.

EDIT: Also, this was the article that got me started on my “research”.

Oh, and a big, hearty ‘fuck you!’ to the American Journal of Sports Medicine for charging $25 for the ability to view one article for one day.


Introducing Old Timey Scout Tobias Fünke

With the 2008 NFL Draft nearly upon us, we bring in Get Boofed’s resident prospect evaluator Tobias Fünke.

Old Timey Scout Tobias Funke

Mr. Fünke is an experienced evaluator of talent known primarily for his lack of self-awareness; he looks past the analytical methods common in today’s sports landscape and evaluates prospects using a more traditional method: his eyes and gut. Funke’s first target is the man who will be the number one pick in this year’s draft, Michigan tackle Jake Long. It is contained below.

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Tom Singer = Dumb

The time has come for me to do my best (see: horrible) impersonation of the goodly folks at FireJoeMorgan and ridicule a professional journalist who decided to say dumb things about baseball, or, in this case, re-say things about a good baseball player in what must be the dumbest way possible.

When I checked my MLB News RSS feed today there was an article with a title that I simply couldn’t ignore

Ramirez truly a Manny-splendored thing

…because I puked in my mouth a little when I read it.

Thinking there was no way in hell the contents of the article could possibly live up to the standards set by the title, I made the worst possible decision and actually read it.

The opening paragraph sets the tone for the rest of the “story” and almost makes the title look good by comparison.

He is amusing and amazing. His career has occasionally been hysterical, and it will soon become historical. For 16 years, we’ve alternately been punked and wowed — but never bored — by Manny Ramirez, who seems to go through life marching to the toot of his own kazoo.

Here are some words I would use to describe that tone: wrong, horrible, bad. The phrase “…marching to the toot of his own kazoo” makes me cry. (note to self: find new word to use in place of “phrase” when group of words ≠ writing)

For seeming to exist in his own world, Ramirez has often been called a “hitting savant,” a Rainman who showers fields with base hits.

If I need to explain how that sentence does grave injustice to the craft of writing you should get your leisure reading fix elsewhere. OK, fine.

Really? Comparing Manny Ramirez to Raymond from the motion picture Rain Man by calling him a Rainman, and then saying he showers fields with base hits? Really, Tom Singer? Is that what you intentionally wrote in your article? Really.

It is as if Mr. Singer could read my mind and decided to answer that question by saying this:

He is the kind of spirit who years ago would have felt at home dancing on a Woodstock lawn.

Manny is a power child of the ’00s.

I guess he really does intentionally go out of his way to make bad analogies. At least he does a good job of simultaneously incorporating bad puns just in case there remained any questions about his writing ability. One point to Tom for leaving no room for equivocation in re: his talent for stringing words together.

Also, have we, as a society, collectively decided how to pronounce/talk about the first decade of this century? If I was reading that last sentence aloud, would I say, “Manny is a power child of the [oughts]” ? Well, that is a true hypothetical, because if I was reading that sentence out loud the only thing coming out of mouth by the end would be projectile vomit. As a matter of fact, I attempted to read this article out loud earlier, hoping that the words would sound better in the air than they did in my head. I videotaped it for posterity, and now I share it with you:

Interestingly, if you happened to be watching Tom as he was writing this piece for you would find the way he goes about putting words on paper is eerily similar to how I react to his writing.

I will defer to FJM once they address this…

…but until then, I heard Joe Morgan talking about Pedro Feliz on tonight’s broadcast of the Phillies/Mets.  He was talking about Feliz’s free swinging ways, and then mentioned something about the fact that he’ll usually end up with “25 plus” home runs by the end of  a season.

A quick baseballreference check showed Feliz’s 5 highest single season home run totals as follows:

22, 22, 20, 20, and 16.

Well played, Mr. Morgan.  I am honestly envious of his ability to just say random shit into a microphone and manage to take in a reasonable paycheck.

Twins Take 2 From Indians


After 8 consecutive losses the Twins finally found a way to defeat the Indians yesterday, then found a way to do it again this afternoon. Nick Blackburn, Scott Baker + bullpen held the currently limp-sticked Indians to 1 run over the weekend while Justin Morneau provided 3 key rbis. Brendan Harris also became the first Twin not named Morneau or Kubel to homer. Shit, he was the first Twins second basemen to homer since Luis Castillo hit one off Jeremy Sowers of Cleveland on July 16, 2006. (If it wasn’t for baseball-reference that sentence would have simply read ‘Its been a coon’s age’ and I know how much you citizens love specific time frames)

On the defensive side Carlos “Leather Daddy” Gomez made a hell of a catch that probably saved the game in the top of the 9th. With 1 out and a runner on second Ryan Garko hit a fly ball into right-center. Gomez sprinted to his left and laid flat out, giving Dick an insta-bone and allowing me to pull the “Torii who?” again, a tradition I plan to pursue the length of Torii’s LA of A deal. If the print description of Gomez’s heroics doesn’t leave you in awe, here is some visual evidence. (The specific video would be Gomez “going full throttle” according to

A great defensive weekend for the Twins and enough Morneau to get by has them dry humping .500 again, but the offensive production continues to point to rough sailing ahead. While the pitching has far exceeded what anyone could have expected from these kids (and old timer), the Twins are slugging just .354 as a team. If Delmon and Lamb can get popping, and once Mauer hits his stride, and Cuddyer comes back… oh boy oh boy. I really didn’t want to end my first post being a Negative Nancy. We’ll call that last little nugget of homerism Optimistic Orin.

And finally, since we were playing Cleveland and Travis “Pronk” Hafner, I feel it is relevant to include this beauty, so enjoy.

NBA Playoffs and, well, I want to have sex with Chris Paul

There. I said it. I love Chris Paul. Yeah, I know, it’s creepy.

I guess I should say that I love watching the basketball stylings of Chris Paul and his NOOCH companions (Sorry. I realize the moniker no longer applies, but NOOCH has such a great ring to it that I have trouble shaking it).

For whatever reason, I don’t have enough NBA related passion to follow one single team. I suppose you could say I fall into the FreeDarko mold of enjoying whichever team entertains me the most with their style of play. Growing up in Florida, I have labeled the Magic as a team I root for by default, but outside of the one man Tracy McGrady show and the Penny/Nick Anderson/Dennis Scott/Hoarace Grant/Shaq years, I have no attachment to the Magic.

(Seriously, though, that starting 5 was fucking sick.)

(Thanks to Drew for the video.)

My nine year old self will never forgive Houston. Just reminiscing with Drew has conjured up so many spectacular memories that coincide with the 1995 Orlando playoff run.  My nine year old self has also instilled in me an embarrassingly deep love for the “Get Ready For This” sports anthem that seemed so awesome in the mid 90’s.

Regardless, I’m getting sidetracked here. This is material for another post. What I’ve been meaning to say is that I managed to catch a good portion of the second half of this evening’s New Orleans/Dallas playoff game. I was captivated by the Hornets, most especially Chris Paul. Granted, I didn’t watch the first half of the game, in which NOOCH’s swag allegedly looked considerably different then than it did in the second. Also, I do not watch nearly enough basketball to be able to judge the game with any sort of expertise that anyone should pay attention to. Generally, I don’t know shit. However, I do happen to know what entertains/entrances me, and that was whatever Chris Paul and his teammates were doing tonight. While the entirety of this year’s NBA playoffs (at least the Western half) promises watchability all around, I am hedging my bets with NOOCH in hopes that they will provide me with a few more entertaining experiences.

And yeah, baseball posts will resume begin shortly. Sorry about that.

UGA/Pittsburgh running back Tim Worley gets tasered

This video is almost sad. Almost. Until it is discovered that the gentleman being tased attended the University of Georgia. Then it’s funny.

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