Introducing Old Timey Scout Tobias Fünke

With the 2008 NFL Draft nearly upon us, we bring in Get Boofed’s resident prospect evaluator Tobias Fünke.

Old Timey Scout Tobias Funke

Mr. Fünke is an experienced evaluator of talent known primarily for his lack of self-awareness; he looks past the analytical methods common in today’s sports landscape and evaluates prospects using a more traditional method: his eyes and gut. Funke’s first target is the man who will be the number one pick in this year’s draft, Michigan tackle Jake Long. It is contained below.

I watched him shower at the combine, and wow! He lives up to his name! He is long all over, especially on talent. This player has great lower body strength and rarely ends up on his back underneath someone. If he does, he is sure to bring at least two men down with him.

As an offensive lineman, he fills his role perfectly. You have little to worry about as he offers the maximum possible amount of protection while having enough brute force to create a gaping hole large enough for any workhorse to slide into with little to no resistance. All I can say is that it would take me years of practice and stretching before I would feel prepared to try to take him on my own.

His body is a physical spesemen. He is stronger than most men, even men his size. What’s more, he knows how to use his size in a manner that will make his presence felt most deeply by those in front of and behind him. He is faster and more agile than most offensive linemen, though he also has the patience and agility to bide his time before exploding like a jackhammer on those tricky screen plays.

Those progressive members in Miami didn’t fail to take notice of all this, either, as they have already signed Long to an extended contract days before the draft. It will make him the highest paid lineman in the game with $30 million of the contract guaranteed. You can bet that with these added resources, Long will return to the scene with an entirely new repertoire of toys and tricks, pounding home the reasons he is such a sensational player.

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One response to “Introducing Old Timey Scout Tobias Fünke

  1. Long has the strong hands that should allow him to beat off even the most pesky defensive linemen for years to come

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