Minnesota’s Next Top White Guy: Moms Choose ’08

When Kevin McHale moved Wally Szczerbiak to Boston for Ricky Davis and Mark Blount in 2006 he broke the hearts of all of our moms. For the first time since 1994, when the Wolves added Tom Gugliotta, Minnesota moms didn’t have someone out there to root for. Sure, a lot of moms did and still do love Kevin Garnett. The man is hard not to love. Yet Minnesota moms had grown accustom to having a semi-goofy white guy with nice hair and a barbed wire tattoo to cheer for. Apparently this is one mistake that McHale had vowed to rectify.

About the time that I had decided I may actually watch a few more games this year, enticed by the offensive possibilities of a Telfair-Mayo-Jefferson lineup, McHale moved Mayo to Memphis for two prime contenders for the Mom’s Choice Award, Kev Love and Mike Miller.

Quick draft rant. Many said that Minnesota was a bad fit for Mayo, but when you are as a bad as the Timberwolves don’t you need to hold onto the guy with assloads of upside? Also, Mario Chalmers slides to you in the 2nd, so you pick him and trade him for future 2nd round picks? Plus you pass on DeAndre Jordan? You could have walked away from this draft with Jordan, Chalmers and Mayo. How does the guy who traded Brandon Roy for Randy Foye and Sam Cassell and a 1st round pick for Marko Jaric get to keep making decisions about who plays for a basketball team?

But enough about the quality of basketball that will be played in Target Center next fall, because we all already know we won’t be watching, let’s get back to the Mom’s Choice. Love is the definite early front runner to be mothers’ favorite. He is a big old beefcake and is also personable. He works hard and hustles, which is always something that moms appreciate around these parts. He can also hit trick shots with ease and humility, which moms probably also find sexy.

(Notice a mom is featured prominently appreciating Mr Love)

Its good to know if the NBA thing doesn’t work out for him he can be a Globetrotter or a guy who goes around to high schools winning pizzas and gift certificates at half time. Kev doesn’t have the looks of a Wally, or the hair gel, which leaves the door open for Miller. Miller looks like the guy who tried to feel up your girl at the American Legion and then bummed your last cigarette, but the dude can shoot the lights out. He will almost certainly be the Wolves second scoring option next season and, as much as moms will try to root for the friendly young cake of beef, girls and even moms love results. He is also a philanthropist who used to practice in the Corn Palace, and what mom doesn’t appreciate the small town kid who made it big but never forgot his roots? Miller also possesses tattoos like the previous title holders, but ultimately they may just add to his all-around greasiness that will move moms into the Love camp.

In other Kevin McHale news, I heard last night that a local medical double threat Dr. Michael “Hermatology/Oncology” McHale is actually the brother of our esteemed GM. Word on the street is (***Libel Alert***) Dr. McHale is frequently close to making a great diagnosis, but changes his minds and ends up making a completely shitty one instead.

(I want everyone to make sure they check out the kid in the far right of that picture who has been tied down to his rather large mother’s side. No words could possibly express the despair he is feeling there as appropriately as the look on his face.)

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5 responses to “Minnesota’s Next Top White Guy: Moms Choose ’08

  1. Carlo Rossi

    The part about Miller being the dude that bummed your last cigarette was fucking awesome. I love that it happened at the Legion bar. That’s the attention to detail I appreciate, sir.

    If we cared about basketball like we do baseball, Miller would be the type of guy to name the site after.

    Anyway, wonderful post, sir. Good work with the domain name, too.

  2. “Miller looks like the guy who tried to feel up your girl at the American Legion and then bummed your last cigarette”

    Brilliant

    And mom’s love Love.

  3. Nice, I just checked out the domain name

    another great idea from Jon

  4. Carlo Rossi

    Also, where did you manage to find pictures from an early Motherboy?

  5. Kev Love looks like the type of dude that works on the farm all day then owns at the high-school open gym at night. Way more attractive to mothers than Legion sleazin.

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