Monthly Archives: July 2008

Tony Pena Jr Should Switch Positions

Seriously, the dude has a -1 OPS+ through 184 at bats this season.  As evidenced below, he has the ability to throw 90+ with some late break.  Couldn’t he find more employment opportunities as a reliever?

The sad thing is, this is probably the highlight of the season for the Royals.  Experience history, guys.


C’mon, Guys, Slutley Just Wants To Entertain You With Dingers

About the actualy home run hitting, what Josh Hamilton did was most certainly awesome, but let us not forget that Justin Morneau is your raining (boner) reigning champ. If MLB wants to change the rules and make it total homers over 3 rounds, that’s cool, but your champion Morneau got heartily dissed last night. Rhymes with porno, fellas, not that hard. I can only imagine what would have happened on the mic if Doug Mientkiewicz would have ever won a home run derby over a feel good story of the year.

Chuggo back for more

Because I know you guys are riveted, I’ll let you know that Chuggo is now posting on Hipinion, the forum I frequent. Problem is, it’s a fake Chuggolug (probably). Honestly, do you really think there’s any chance Chuggz would know what to do in front of a keyboard?

Anyway, this is noteworthy because of this:

EDIT: There’s been some nasty rumors on said forum that Chuggo is facing some legal problems for spiking a lady’s drink.  Chuggz has an answer to these vicious allegations.  If there is a god, he will prove these e-mails to be real.  More updates to follow.

subject: thx from chuggz‏
From: Chuggo (
Sent: June 18, 2008 10:04:17 PM
To: Mr. Conductor (

mr conduktr

thx 4 showin me dat wnt me in. it means a lot 2 da chuggz.

sum of wat dey r sayin is fny and tru. its totly a difrent thng 2 pop pilz wit a ho b4 fukin her thn 2 force the bitch 2 take da pill. i dnt get the law.

ill leev u wit a ryme cuz ur frends lyk dem:

my lawyer likes to tell me
be quiet as a cat
u should do the same
when ur mouths around my gat


Euro 2008 Ladies Championship – Group D

Let’s hear it for nontraditional work schedules!

Or not.  Anyway, that is Ace’s excuse for not manning up and taking Group D, so I’ve assumed responsibility.  After this hopefully we’ll shit out a quarterfinal post by week’s end and we can wrap this shit up.  Group D contains Spain, Russia, Sweeden, and Greece.  Without further ado, the ladies:





And the table:


And there ya go.  Thankfully, the quarterfinals are going to be taken care of in one post, so we are almost through with this shit.  The quarters will match up like this: Switzerland v Germany, Turkey v Croatia, Italy v Sweden, Spain v Romainia.

Also, on a spur of the moment decision the roster of writers for GetBoofed will be growing to four, so be on the lookout for that.

Some Marlins Bits

After some searching, I have finally found this gem of a picture of your Marlins opening day starter Mark Hendrickson, who was recently cemoted to bullpen duty along with fellow starter Ryan Tucker.  Anyway, before I get sidetracked, here is Mark Hendrickson in all his pre-MLB glory.  Allegedly this poster [minus the text, I assume] currently hangs in the Marlins clubhouse.

 Why the transition to bullpen duty, you ask?  For starters, opposing batters have been going all MJ on him as Hendrickson sported a 7.20 and 7.77 ERA, respectively, for the months of May and June.  Yes, that’s ERA’s of seven-plus from the man deemed by the coaching staff to have been the best available pitcher at the end of spring training – a 6’9″ former NBA journeyman.  Does he even have a major league pitching job if Randy Johnson wasn’t so tall?

Filling the roles?  Mediocre prospect Chris Volstad and Minneapolis native Josh Johnson, who returns after a year and a half of missed time thanks to Joe Girardi’s Baker-esque abuse (see: Anibal Sanchez) and a little thing I like to call “oh fuck me another Marlins pitcher is visiting James Andrews who will deem that he needs Tommy John surgery.”  You might remember Josh Johnson as being the dude who came onto the scene in that magical 2006 season and posted a 3.10 ERA in 157 innings – a figure which would have been good for 4th in all of baseball had he had enough innings to qualify.

I know I should set moderate expectations for Johnson’s return, but I just can’t bring myself to do it.  Between his return and Anibal’s possible August return – expect the Marlins to actually have some pitching and potentially end the year at .500 or above.  And hell, with no teams in the NL East displaying any desire to pull away with the division, could the Marlins even make a push for the playoffs?  Oh, and for those of you who are already firing up your calculators to comment on Florida’s pythagorean numbers and the fact that they’ve allowed more runs then they’ve scored: fuck you.  Please just let me enjoy my blind bliss for at least a couple days.

Also, I would just like to say that all of these other pitchers could be moot of Ricky Nolasco keeps playing like he has been.

Group D is coming…Settle the Fuck Down

Yes, I’m pretending that people are up in arms about the Group D results still not being published to make myself feel better.  But in the unlikely case people are sitting on the proverbial pins and needles, or proverbially sitting on pins and needles, I officially apologize to those people and to Wally Carlo and the Beave.  I assure you its only taking this long because I don’t want to fuck up my group as badly as Carlo fucked up his…just kidding guy; but seriously the Turks? Really?

So, with those formalities taken care of I will now tell you I’m working on Group D and plan to have some hot pics and picks for you soon.  Something else to look forward to in the near future; a look at America’s very best baseball player.  True story.  Here’s a sneak peak.   He OBP’ed .545 this past week and scored 6 runs.  “America’s very best baseball player” might be a title a bit too lofty, but please do take some guesses and we’ll see if any of you get it right.

Before I go I will throw one picture your direction, just to whet the appetite.

The Hot Chick

Rated PG-13

BV Works The Holidays, Euro Ladies Tournament ’08 Group C

USA! USA! USA! King George is a tyrant! Let’s blow some shit up! Let me hear a Marv Albert inflected “yes!”

Now to the business at hand, starting with yesterday’s business of Carlo’s Group B selections. We had getboof’s first moral dilemma concerning the whole business of Carlo and the Austrian youth. In my eyes the Austrians clearly outclassed the Croatians. Mr. Rossi admits so much. Even after stating that he was glad eurogirls do not post the age of the lovelies they photograph (I let my grandpa write the first half of this sentence) he disqualifies the Swiss Austrians based on the assumption that they are underage, citing his lack of desire to go on record with his support of ephebophilia. This in turn puts Mr. Rossi on the record fully implying that he does indeed love the youngsters. Therefore, in conclusion, “Shenanigans!”

It’s my turn to doink this up. Here is your group of death.


Yes, I am intentionally starting with the girl who is likely underage. And yes, the French are still very much in the running for the group. This girl on the right looks so much better with her mouth closed, but unfortunately no one has ever told her that.



And the ladies my forefathers didn’t mind sailing away from,

The Netherlands

And after much deliberation, here is your table:





I’m playing the Pocahontas role here, spurning my own kind for the exotic, mysterious strangers, with Romania as my sexy Capt. John Smith. A very tightly contested group and once again there are no losers when euro girls are up. Ace has Group D coming soon.